More to love than us

 

I remember

the moment it dawned

that there was more to life than this.

More to love than us. More to give.

More to feel in this hallow heart.

 

More sunlight if I open my eyes.

More insight if I tune out your lies.

 

There is a world of us apart.

Yet together is just a dead-end street.

For together only ever dampened

this heart and filled it with hurt,

when joy should be flowing like the sea

I wish to be. Sharing deep insightful

conversations beside glorious tides.

 

You never let me love me,

or even be me, and if we

couldn’t believe in us, and you

couldn’t see the me that

was fading into dust,

if we couldn’t sit

in the silence of a heartbeat.

 

Then how could we ever

give ourselves freely?

 

How could it be love If you only wanted

a different person to be sat opposite?

 

I stumbled on eggshells

that tore at my feet,

I pulled open doors

that I should have

pushed shut. To be who I was not.

To be the mirror image of you.

 

Even that wasn’t enough

as you never loved the

reflection of you.

Fading upon sunburnt lips

 

Life drifting through

my fingertips

and I’m a grain of sand

I cannot grip.

Lifted across the breeze,

a stardust kiss

fading

upon sunburnt lips.

 

A smile that won’t land.

 

It feels like going

through the motions.

A rumbling wave

on a calm ocean.

A story without

a reader to follow.

Everything feels

empty and hollow.

 

A graveside memory,

buried in faded daydreams.

 

Life is drifting along

and I’m just running

in the distance

trying to catch

a stray shooting star, before

I fade into another night.

 

Light blinking out of my eyes.

 

It feels like going

through the motions.

Wringing out my emotions

for no one to hear or care,

the love I hold dear

knows not the words

I wish to appear,

and silence fills my existence.

The sun has hidden

behind a cloud only giving

silver linings to those

whose eyes are not fixed

on the ground.

 

I need to look up and see the sky.

A bad case of love

 

There must be something

going around, because

I feel run down. I'm getting sick,

no magic pill will stop the chills.

No medicinal cure for my ills.

My heart is fluttering,

a smouldering candlewick.

Bubbling under the surface

like magma under the earth's crust.

Temperature rising quick.

 

My body shakes and shivers,

My heart aquiver

dancing through icy fields.

Dodging falling icicles that

threaten to stick it in place.

I'm a wreck, tripping over my feet

and all the words that circle me.

Hot sweats coat my face, burning

my thoughts in place.

Whilst I'm pacing across the sun,

in too many layers to shed.

Just to hide the shade of red I've become.

 

My heartbeat stretches

to the moon. Hyperventilating.

Palpitations start sounding like alarm bells.

A river surges in my chest,

my blood rippling waves to my heart

until it grows so enlarged

that astronauts can see it

pounding an urgent

SOS message to space.

 

Panic catches my breath in a net,

covers my head in a paper bag.

Air not circulating, I'm overthinking,

all I'm seeing is a world of daydreams.

A city built of hopes and starlight.

My thoughts written over my skin.

Glowing like neon signs.

 

If this is a fantasy

why does it feel like a joyride?

Like I’m driving through hallucinations

of such wonderful vivid imagery.

You see, I've got something wrong with me.

I must have caught it on a passing breeze,

but no doctors nor pharmacy can help,

there is no known cure for this disease,

because I've got a case of the loves

and you are the only medicine I need.