Addict

Mind flips back the pages, the diary empty, devoid

so many missed entries, where was I? absent

the time, my past, that lives only in fragments

where drink took my hand, took me places best to avoid

feeling melancholy, maybe should have a coffee, or a tea

soaked with whiskey please, chase my demons away

to keep my emotions at bay

head sore from the night before, the wreckage, the brains debris

A single, make that a double, ill take three of them

and a beer to help the buzz hit

where did the day go? sun gone all moonlit

moonshine reminds me of a good night, what have I become?

Last orders at the bar, the bell is ringing

should go home, shouldn't have another one

but this addicts mind is all wired wrong

it helps stops the thoughts from stinging

Another day passed out, passed by, seen through the bottom of a bottle

don't mind, no reasons to be around

my mind is sinking, my brain is slowly drowned

can I take these beatings I'm serving myself? I'm near rock bottom

With eyes open, the room spins, closed I see you

no escape, this is not living

this is barely even existing

need to find peace, find it in me to feel new, can I pull through?

These words are days long past

from a time where all felt unworthy

felt so alone, so full of worry

before I gained strength to live at last

Thanks for reading,

Kyle.

Screen romance

The story over long before the credits roll

the curtain was halfway down before we stood a chance

never got to see the budding romance

before the final act has even started to unfold

Our tale, a brief interlude from a bigger movie

could never flourish, would never grow

the script left unfinished just never flowed

only ever saw the beast, never got to see the beauty

No beginning or middle, all led to it ending

story held no structure, no one at the controls

the plot was in pieces, so full of holes

the direction was wrong from day one, needed amending

No one knew the lines, improvised all their scenes

the storyboards were flawed, the cast was too young

they didn't connect or share any bond

This tale was never meant for the screens

Was this comedy or tragedy?

seemed more like an horror story

a straight to TV release, a production so flawed

the faults could never be ignored

Even the worst movies have moments where the true love does shine

the screen kiss was real, the stars had their time

the story was bad, 2 stars at best, would never hit primetime

but it had lessons to teach, its heart was just fine

Thanks for reading.

Kyle.

Dreams change

Dreams change, I remember as a child
they were all about toys and family
sleep was an extended playtime for me
filled with joy and laughter, we smiled

As the years pass, into my teens
my dreams fuelled by rage, an age I felt out of place
anger filled my mind, injustice at the hurt id had to face
they told of the bullies and fears, I wanted escape by any means

As a young adult I dreamt of her, she who made me smile
the girl with punky hair, she would visit at night
she would take me away, on adventures far and wide, a beautiful sight
she was a vision, every time i closed my eyes, the perfect profile

Then my dreams turned dark, the girl left my heart
the monsters took over, they brought their loathing,
a self doubt crept over like a black fog, mind soured, I was nothing
as the dreams shredded my self, tears drenched my cheeks, was falling apart

In my dreams I fought a deadly battle
As in life I was spared, took on my demons
in time they became just distant moans, I won
started to rebuild, a life less fragile

Dreams change, now I dream of the things I want
I let myself tell the stories, let happy thoughts flow
let my voice be heard over the murmur below
no longer let the monsters taunt

My dreams not only for me
My dreams of a life id like to see
My dreams of happiness, joy an increase in peace
My dreams will come in time, walk out of the darkness, a release

Thanks for reading.

Kyle 

Art ©Rebecca Costello

Smile

This smile, a long time returning
it went away, took a journey south
emotionally drained, the world carried on turning
now I can feel it slowly lifting my mouth

Was so jaded and drained
the fire inside had just turned to ashes, dust
the shine in my eyes had long faded, I was pained
with time, a kind heart, a change in mind, the fires combust

Humour never quite left me alone, though it hid at times
now it is budding and growing,  feel it blooming
as my life finds new pieces, new peace and new rhymes

no longer fear the daytime looming

Used to sleep away my days, as if I was dead
asleep in a coffin for a bed
now I want to experience more, do all
want to get out try anything, not afraid to fall

Thanks for reading,

Kyle.

Geek

You call me a geek, like its a bad thing
I think unique has a better ring
I see the world with a distinctive view
my glasses show a different hue

You say I'm a freak, as if I'm not human too
you think me meek, but i am stronger than you
I have fought against so much pain
you would crumble under the strain

You tell me I'm pathetic, well Ive got more to show

don't fit your aesthetic, have more heart than you will ever know

found my world, my place, my own way
you just got angry, bitter and grey

You call me names, like I'm going to break
you play your games, as if they cause me heartache
but I have life, a joyous, happy time
no matter what you say I'm living in my prime

Thanks for reading.
Kyle.

Doorways

So many doors ahead
all new passages down which to be led
how can I choose, which one to take?
which one could be a mistake?

Do I stride through door one?
a rainy landscape, seems grey and glum
but that is just weather, it could change anytime
the sunshine could make this path sublime

I could pass through door two
the pathway to you
a journey that could bring hurt and pain
but could also bring love again

Door three sits slightly open to me
inside a sight so beautiful to see
an ocean view, bathed in sunshine so bright
but it could all be an illusion, a trick of the light

Door four locked shut, its key on the floor
no way to get a glance inside, would be scary to explore
is it filled with monsters and ghouls, or a story to tell?
is it a path to happiness or hell?

So I have to take a choice
only one I can take, I hear my voice
door four, all the doors lead to a world unknown
they all lead forward, to make my own

Thanks for reading.
Kyle.

Drawn to life

Try to stay between the lines
as you add the colour to me
the image becomes real and defines
it all adds detail you see

No longer two dimensional
now a fuller picture
so much still hidden, but gradually revealing, inspirational 
as the tones are added to the skin, giving structure

With history, a story, a mystery show
until the layers unravel, unwrap and I appear unhatched
reborn, a newborn, with a true glow, your pen drew it so
added depth to the flat picture, no longer shackled, I am unlatched

You drew me out, drawn to you
see the world through eyes so free
an artistic point of view
you unchain the real me

The picture has clarity, imagination and a sense of emotion
a playful smile with a twinkling eye
as you hide the darkness with artistic solutions
as the light hits the shade, and the colour brightens this once lost guy

Thanks for reading.
Kyle.

Witching hour

I love this hour, so mystical, so magical, so full of power
this time of night, clear, calm, serene
time to let inspiration flourish, let it grow, like a beautiful flower
as the world sleeps through, dreaming in wide screen

Music playing to set the pace, as my mind flies
a wash of guitars, drums and sounds spellbinding
i dive into their deep tones, their soulful lows and glorious highs
as they drift into my soul, touching every nerve, tingles the skin, unwinding

A voice, a teller of tales, stories with heart and emotion
opens the mind, sets it free to explore deep within, to search its feelings
its depths hidden like the deepest ocean
all whilst the world gently turns over, dreaming of their dealings

This, the witching hour, bewitches, a time to savour
leaves me entranced, thoughts fully enhanced
the surreal feel of the night, with the sounds turned high, pure
clean, crystal like, as the distractions pass and I can advance

Thanks for reading,

Kyle. 

Todays soundtrack included tracy chapman, mark lanegan, matchbox twenty, crowded house, and tonnes more. always an inspiration!

Friendship

Happiest alone, in my own world, its seas and cities, valleys and peaks
where people cant get in, make it grey and bleak
where I don't have to answer, as nobody calls
no pressure, just me and these four walls
So why do I need to fit in?

Feel most alive, in the dead of night, the ground at my feet, the city street
floating between the streetlights, as they illuminate the path for me
as the tides of darkness wash over, no judgement of who I am or where I've been
cool air caresses, hears my confessions, reinvigorating my sanity, I'm clean
so why do i need to join in?

Freeing to sit on the clouds of my mind
setting my thoughts free, letting my soul be refined
with no one around I can let my mind wander
travel far and wide, lands anew, beyond my view, sit and ponder
so why do I try to please?

A mass of contradiction, a lack of communication, so hurt and alone
but cant let anyone connect, not even by phone
need to find my place, the one I belong in
am always left longing
why am I sad when were all apart?

They want me there, struggle to connect
don't fit the purpose, cant let go, my shell deflects
my heart damaged so long ago, to be hurt again would knock me down
a loner at heart? or is that my defence? my way to avoid a breakdown
so why do I miss you so?

Happiest when we all connect, where my heart can shine
let go of the fears that clog up my mind
when we can unwind, a cold drink in hand, a talk with a friend
laugh and a joke, shared special days, cool streets we walk, the perfect end
That's what I needed to grow

Thanks for reading.
Kyle.

Rollercoaster

High, low, can barely hold on
mood flips so quick, so hyper, then sad, slow then so fast
Like a roller coaster ride, is this where I belong?
going downhill, feels like its about to crash

Hide away? I need to be seen, in a group? I want to go home
happiness flips to sadness then back in a beat
mind up and down, so much colour, now seems monochrome
the splinters of my mind carry on, thoughts on constant repeat

Crumble, crack fall to the floor
these feelings eat away inside
this ride makes me sick, what more is in store?
wish for an end, for the ride to stop, but I'm denied

Voices within wont let me be
they tell me I'm nothing, a waste
escape needed, break these confines, need a break from me
a day away, a week at sea, a clearing, empty where I cant be traced

A strong man with a tough heart
many times Ive let it get burnt, too many breakdowns
always rebuilt myself, created anew, from deep within, a start
just need to get this ride to stop or slow down

So I retreat into my safe space
this beach in my minds place
will return with love, warmth, my heart to give
that is the only way I know how to live.

Thanks for reading

Kyle

War drums

Same old names, playing games, calling for our men, women, sons, daughters
the war drums are pounding loud again
a destiny of death, hate and heartbreak, led to the slaughter
how can we be saved?

We are on our knees, asking dont bring this down on us
we need peace, a life without this bloodshed
end our call to arms, stop the alarms, we could try to discuss
evade a date with the barrel of a gun, try talking instead

They want us to fight to our last breath, never asking what we feel
their blood will be spared, they are prepared, they are safe and secure
they live just fine, whilst you and i kneel
tow the line, fight for peace, drop a bomb of democracy,  no saviour

A game to them played, a move on the global chessboard
our lives the pieces, never matters if we break
millions more to replace, easy for our warlords
we need a calming voice, hint of sense, press the brake

Something in the air, makes me sick
rockets missiles, weapons that destroy isles
so much firepower, they are itching to use
pull the trigger, light the fuse

We bear the brunt
no regard for our fates
we get burnt
who is going to save us before its too late?

Thanks for reading.
Kyle.

Surrender

 

I would surrender,  give everything I own, my whole

sail the seven seas to be by you for all time

as the waves collide with my boat, I'd protect, love and give you my soul

nothing could change a moment of our love sublime

Let the rest all crumble, fall, turn to dust if I must

to be a part of this life, never apart, you by my side

walk through fire to give you my heart and trust

if you let me share your ride

The clouds could part, throw down a lightning filled stormy rage

I would dodge the charge, the bolts would kiss, to be within view

accept all the shocks, the pain, to spend with you our old age

give away my world to share this time with you

The sun could black out, vanish, a constant darkness

find you always, to guide you safely, light your heart ablaze

the fire would warm us, against the harshness

and light us in our glorious days

Thanks for reading.
Kyle.

Promise

Try to not pick apart, from the appearance portrayed
the scars are stories, each blemish a chapter
they tell of hurt and love, days of rain, sun, shade
all combined to make my picture, not a perfect capture

Beneath lies a heart filled with love, passion and fire
full to the brim, it overflows, trying to get free
to give all it has, every thing you want, all you require
every beat a lingering kiss, for you from me

Never be fooled by this old face
inside is young, so much to define
so much to be, to embrace
so let me in to see you shine

Don't be put off by the outside view
within seats a sweet soul, truthful and honest
my words a plea, a loving way to make happiness come true
they never shy away, hide or stray, they just offer you my promise

Thanks for reading
Kyle

Night

Tears flood when the sun passes the horizon
night where my heart and soul collide
a fountain of pain, in the inky darkness, rising
feed my creative mind, pain and joy combine

When stars ignite the dark blank sky
like thoughts in my mind, a battleground
a collision course every night, of dark against light, a stuttered cry
hours where, defences worn bare, I struggle, drowned

blackness of night, like a mirror of my mind, reflecting back, an insight
to show all my stormy seas, waves of emotion
hiding away throughout the day, they stand out like neon at night
feelings of loss, haunting my thoughts, a vast ocean

Sun rise, way off in the distance, my defensive shell rises alongside
night where I let my thoughts flow free
now hidden deep inside
until the sun goes down, moonlight kisses my eyes, and  I can be me

Thanks for reading.

Kyle.

Taxi for two

The cab arrives in the dead of night, hands clasped tightly, two hearts ignite
feels so special, seems the night is ours
here underneath this inky sky, studded with golden, sparkly stars
the night still young, time precious, delicate, soon be light

So much to behold, as the driver eyes the road, pays us no heed
we connect with a kiss
our hearts flooded with love, a dazzling, shiny, sea of bliss
face the unknown, our fears vanish, taste of our lips is all we need

Arms hold me tight, as we drive into the darkness, a magical space
a blessed belief, a night like this makes you week at the knees
liquid moonlight fills the car, as we fall deeply, head over heals
lose ourselves,  the rhythm of the wheels copy our hearts and race

Deep in each others eyes, an insight, the souls deepest cravings
the streetlights enhance the passion inside, never lies, never hides
we carry our journey entranced, our senses spiritual, this hypnotic ride
a small part, a lifetime to grow, ours to follow, a picture worth saving

We arrive at our destination, driver paid in full, we continue our romance
we fall into each others arms, a kiss, a special case
the smiles we share, the sweetest of nights, its ours to embrace
this new state, this first date, where our story sang, our lifetimes began

Thanks for reading

kyle.

Voices Image

Fallout Image

Self destruct

The self destruction begins
push people away, close off and hide today
cant let anyone see me this way
as I pay off all of my sins

The countdown ticks, clock close to zero
feeling anxious, panic hypnotises
brain just blankness, as the tension rises
I cry out for a hero

Charcoal darkness falls, light gone
vision taken, no way out
this time I'm really going down, try to shout
the countdown strikes one

Only seconds remain, fly by so fast
need to save myself, no one else I can ask
to escape this fate, brain takes over the task
as the final seconds tick past

Ten. Nine. Eight. a thought, a possible escape chosen
Seven. Six. Five. just one chance must rush to survive
Four. Three. Two. just one last push, I strive
One. through the door, jump take cover, before the explosion

Mind clear, set free, can now begin to cope
the flight to escape, my fight to win
the countdown, a part of my brain, within
my panic subsided, anxiety tamed, for now I walk with hope

Thanks for reading.
Kyle.

Weak

You call me weak, you think me fragile, I think I'm too strong
held my world together, as all around, it crumbled
so much to be thankful for, fought for so long
internal pains, never knocked me down, merely, tripped, stumbled

Lived for so long, should have been long gone
heavy weight never dragged me down, kept my baggage close
damaged, sprained, but never broken
still able to find my role, defeat my lows

Stood before, alone, at deaths door
the handle in my hand, as I said no thanks
no, you don't get my soul, my whole, my core
not whilst there is still love in my bank

Can stand tall, where before, could barely crawl
took a journey, to hells retreat, back again, some could say
nothing to prove, to anyone at all, can stand proud, didn't fall
my heart doubled in size, grew inside, a little every day

Can fly higher than most will ever try
my body may be weaker, damaged, getting on a bit
but it has felt love and loss, the sweetest things and painful sighs
throughout my days, I've fought, I've swayed, wouldn't cut a moment of it

So much more to gain, in this time frame, Still a lot to learn
much to give, to share, to live and survive
feel the place in my heart where my passions burn
the fire ablaze, an inferno within, lights me on, to thrive

Thanks for reading,

Kyle.

Withdrawal

The withdrawal, splinters my thoughts

dots not connecting, day a lost waste

cant fight this, crashes my head like gunshot

seeing things in the empty space

Body twitches, feels like I'm constantly itching

sweat pours, like the drinks before

feelings so harsh, feel like ditching

cant give in else I'm done for

Ashamed by my shattered state, a wreck, broken
nothing left to be proud about
as I lay here, skin yellow, feet swollen
wish the world would just black out

depression drags down,  try to close out the sun

hand shakes, water spills, another mess I've created

the drink was supposed to be for fun

now all are pushed away, make myself hated

body cant take this abuse, no more

the nausea in waves, the kind nurse speaks softly

takes my fear away, clears my mind to fight this war

this battle could be so costly

weeks pass, the fight inside slows

the nurse, my family, the people who stayed

helped me win this conflict within, it came close

now the next struggle begins, a me unafraid

Thanks for reading,

Kyle.

Dont fight the battles alone

The word's end

Sometimes, here at the word's end

find myself repeatedly thinking of you

the verses written, the sentences I bend

they were my thoughts recorded all true

some days when I think out loud, my thoughts sidetracked

my mind begins to wander, it wonders

are you sat alone, looking at your phone, wishing for me to contact

pace my room, too scared to presume, sit on my hands and ponder

days where the sounds wont connect, my pen fallen silent again

think of your face, the joy, the smile you embrace

sends a jolt to my thoughts, the word flow established, right then

heart opens, finds its rhythm and begins to race

those hours of darkness, in my room, lay all alone, thoughts in my head

the words cant be read, they give me away, reflect on my state, how can i address

my wish for you here, this lonely bed

to stroke your hair, live without fear or regrets

those lonely nights, a struggle with fright, a fight in time i may win

the pages written forever hidden, not to see the light of day

they are just for me, to centre my view, to help when the day begins

alone, once again, i can read, and dream away

Thanks for reading,

Kyle.

Higher love

Trip along, all the drugs in the world, couldn't take us amongst the stars

this love, its touch alone, enough to show us the wonders of the universe

no other way to fly, so much higher, with you by my side, the sky all ours

these sights, colours, lights, sounds as shapes abound, all for us to traverse

No drug could replace love

Soft hair against my skin as wonderful as life can ever feel

no trip could take its place, no magic pill could replace the thrill of you with me

they would be moments fleeting, not like our lifetimes supply, loves done deal

As the tides of our life wash over, pink,yellow, green and red, our own worlds sea

no high could outshine love

The dreamlike nature of love, conjures up whole sets of feelings, mind blown

nothing could supplant this magical journey, as we sit, laugh and joke

the amazing glaze across the world, in its newborn infancy, with you never alone

the smallest of things take on new meaning, life of their own, no one can revoke

no euphoric state could replicate love

Dance on, free, special, like the world is a dancehall

the floor like neon, the walls glass, the room could be made of gold

as we flow, floating, to the beat of our own tunes, an amazing sound surpassed all

this freaky crazy dream state, loves playground, remarkable, perfection, all told

nothing could transcend a day with you

Thanks for reading,

Kyle.

Trust

We've all been battered, bruised, beat down, cut through

these feelings, not unique, not just me and you

pain, betrayal an ordeal, of hurt, of feeling you've failed

follows us through, days of distrust, push away love, we hide veiled

Scars we wear, the cuts, the tears, hold us back

forever fearing another attack

an hate filled gaze, friends who deceived, people who lie, cheat, spit in your face

not part of your story, never share in your glories, just after status and place

There are people true, who will forever be truthful, honest, free

don't try to gain, or play any games, just want to be by you, with glee

want to rejoice in your life's rewards, and share with their hearts your delights

not let you down or cause you pain, just sit by as you tell your highlights

do let them in, let them be, free from fear

they offer love, care and support, if you hurt, they shed a tear

always there, here, wherever needed, to help you grow

find the you inside, the truth behind the painted smile, forever glows

Thanks for reading,

Kyle

Senses

Used to smell your sweet scent, everywhere I went
followed me throughout, day and night, thought it heaven sent
 heart would skip a beat, as I think of you and me
a treat, delight, shared cool nights, carefree, under that moonlit tree

From the corner of my eye, I spy, your long red dress
worn by a different guise, phantom of my mind, forever a mess
see it flow into view, like a river flowing through

realise my sense is off, my vision is untrue

Feel the light touch on my chest
as I lay awake, heart races, feeling blessed

remember i am alone, this room, a land of dreams, forgotten
the touch, just a pang of pain, a twinge, a strain, throat has a knot in

Sleep washes over me
like waves across the sea
hear your soft voice, calling forth, a message of our love, combined
I rejoice, until I recognise that it is all within my mind

Used to dream that you would return
sat in your old chair, every time I turn

hoped beyond belief, you would take your place, next to me
Now that seat is worn, the dreams faded, long gone, they flee

Cant trust my senses to guide
they create, distort, real truths they hide
my memories don't relate
the story, missing fragments, sits out of date

The truth that did pass, the lies, the stabs to the back
the jabs to the heart, the constant hurt, the forgotten attack
your cheating days, an affront to the real me

they leave me questioning my sanity

Thanks for reading,

Kyle.

Artwork  © Rebecca Costello.