The bonfire

 

I take all of my hanging,

frayed feelings, straggling remains

of sweaters that always looked

better on others.

The loose shavings of hope

buried under bleak memories

carved in frosty winters,

The love hearts scrawled by cold fingers,

across condensation blurred windows.

Blizzards of icicle tears. Days and years.

The first flush of love, that blush as the

blood rushes to the face, the way

lips taste, the way your tongue slices me.

 

​And I pile them high.

 

​In an armful I hold

a gentle hug of warming care, 

the heartbreak of loss, what was

is no longer there, just a smashed

mug of grief. Momentary belief

dashed into shards. Splintered

and cold. Too fractured to hold.

So I discard them on the ground.

 

The pile towering now.

 

Dried tattoo memories on skin.

A million unsent Valentine's cards,

a thousand unspoken words.

Every poem I've written,

every smitten thought I've kept hidden.

Every drifting depression,

every joyful high,

every soulful confession,

every passionate sigh

and the cries of rage at the way

the world cages the innocent heart.

 

​And I strike a match, set them aflame.

Watching the intense ballet as it rises

and clouds the sky.

 

​And I rip out pages

I was once written into,

dried salty tears of abuse,

the lies you poured like soot,

inky fingerprints that

smeared my heart

when I was only guilty of love.

 

The smile I've worn

when inside I was drowning

with grey waterfalls. The masks

I've hidden behind. The fluid way

my mind connects to humanity,

the humble prayer wishing

for nothing but one hand.

And a kiss in the brash moonlight.

 

​And I cast them into the flames...

 

And a fistful of angels scream

as demons melt in the heat.

​The way I'd sell out

my soul to any unworthy deity,

if they would pray for me.

The way I wish for

that one day to be today.

And the way I gave away

too much in too short a time.

Unreading lines that were

unsent or unaligned with mine.

The way I never took what was offered,

the way I gave my warmth uncovered when

I could have stayed under its duvet.

 

​And I pile them atop

the bonfire that time forgot

when it forgot about me,

and the promise it made

to allow me to smile again.

 

​And I let those embers

spark a million and one

thoughts, each painted

more beautiful than the one

before. Because I never want

my fire to burn out on me.