Blackout

Blackout the emotion

turn off the sounds

the commotion

I'd drink to oblivion - a toast

raise a glass to that ghost

but I always made such a terrible host

Wake up in a state

aching from every pour(pore)

I'd turn in my own grave

so many close shaves

if I knew what the night had seen

if only drowned eyes had opened and shown

where I had been

Bruised mind completes me

I compete with memories

liquid trickles into floods

I down my weight in poison

then start again - floodgates open

feels like my blood is boiling

I stagger, thinking I swagger

but in truth I look older more fragile

skin sags, eyes bloodshot red

black bags, the pain, in my head

the blood in my bed

walking on autopilot, emotionally dead

I fall so hard

stumble off the floor, moving feels like such a challenge

pour myself a glass or two to find my balance

like I'm on a tightrope, blinded by lights

terrified of the heights

it's not the fall that hurts it's getting up again

replaying each misguided thing, every little sin

Head feels like it's under constant barrage

cannons blaring, bad thoughts need airing

a victim of self-sabotage

I shout, I stomp I cut out all I hold dear.

Why? Fear...

attack the ones that care, rain my anger in stormy tears

berate those that hold my hand and take the pain I hold here

I reminisce. Through an age weathered frown

staving off a breakdown

starved of affection

I tell the lie I am so well versed in

I am fine, my affliction soaked into aging skin

when in truth I'm staring

down a pit that goes so deep and is widening

my melancholic heart wears a sad smile

but it still beats once in a while

Thanks For Reading.

Peace & Love.

Kyle.