Orchards

 

I've always waited for it to all make sense.

The pain endured when I didn’t know how

to hold my stance or glide through life,

and it felt more like I was free falling

from an infinite sky.

And I dream of walking in orchards of gold

with the sun by my side,

just showing me answers on how to survive

when it feels easier to take a swan dive.

 

But you.

You make

all of this go away.

You take me and put the pieces back in place.

The smile on your face erases

so many bad memories.

The love in your hands

holds me in a state of ease.

And I feel peace for just a moment,

feels like eternity.

Thank you for watching over me.

 

I remember being so far behind

I'd lag at simple tasks

and flag when I was down,

I was a paper bag in the wind,

spinning out in a dream,

when it seemed reality was lost.

and my only hope was to blend in

with the empty surroundings.

I'd walk in those orange groves,

the lemon orchards

and the peaceful meadows

that my mind chose to grow,

for I couldn't get my legs to go,

or my mouth to say a word,

I'd just let the beatings emerge

from the outside, cocooned within

this dreamworld I had built for myself.

 

I always slouched, 

my back arched down,

I made myself smaller somehow.

Crawled into myself,

a hedgehog in a ball.

A rabbit in the headlights.

A nothing. A nobody at all.

Just an outsider

not invited to the ball,

but I danced in

those apple orchards,

I swam in the lakes that I found.

I explored every corner

of my own private island

and I found...

I found you looking in

and I waved back at you,

why was I so teary?

You asked me quietly,

Why was I so lonely

when I have this whole world at my feet?

And then you disappeared into the dream,

but I still see your face everyday

when I look in the mirror

and you smile and say hi.