On the state of my mental health.

 

On the state of my mental health.

 

So, I wanted to address a few things,

it helps me to make sense of where I am,

where I am going and why I do all of this.

 

I have struggled with my mental health

since I was a teenager, many many years ago,

(I can neither confirm nor deny

the existence of dinosaurs back then,

but I do know that this was all fields)

 

So, in a lot of ways, I've learnt to listen

to the warning signs when they start screaming at me.

Most of the time I just need to re-adjust

my thinking slightly or just do something

differently for a while.

But then other times there is something

a bit bigger niggling away at me.

 

So recently I've been having a bit of a wobble.

Anyone that has been following

will know that I am a very consistent writer,

I try to write between 1 and 3 poems a day,

whilst also trying to produce videos,

and other ways to showcase my work.

In addition to this I spend a lot of hours

trying to support other artists/writers/performers.

See/speak to friends, run a poetry night to help give people a break

and to encourage people

to take the stage, to share their stories

and to become the awesome poets

I know so many of them are.

I try to visit every other poetry night in my own city,

as well as supporting people

that I respect across the scene in general.

Well, all of this is starting to catch up with me a little.

I feel I'm spreading myself

very thin and not giving myself enough attention,

to the point that those warning alarms have

been ringing for a while and I've just not heard them

over the hubbub. So recently I’ve been posting less,

and will probably continue posting less for the short term.

 

I have also been struggling with my physical health,

and have had the after effects of covid for a long time.

Which is making it a lot harder for me to perform my work,

as I always aim to be the best I can,

and recently I've found my voice cracking

a lot when I'm reading.

Which has been playing on my mind a lot.

 

As the sort of person that tries to give,

at every opportunity it can be quite

hard to accept that this is not actually

the norm with people. People's goals

are often about themselves. Where they want

to be, you are just a footnote on the page

of their story. So, it can take a while

to realise that people don't try as hard

to be supportive when other people need it.

And for a writer support can be so important,

we spend a lot of time alone. Digging around our own heads,

exploring dark places. We see what is happening in the world

and we need to talk about it, to try to make sense of it all.

 So, support can be so many little things,

from just acknowledgement of our work,

be it a like or a share, a kind word left on a piece,

 a message in our DMs

(That isn't just trying to get us to send

our hard-earned money to some “definitely not a scammer” person

who promises to get your work seen by his 55 million followers

who all strangely have exactly the same photos

and variations of the same name.)

You could buy a book,

and believe me I know times are tough,

so obviously I'd never ask anyone to be

left out of pocket. If you would like to read my work

and review it I'd happily come to an arrangement.

Let someone else know our work exists. Share it with people.

 

None of these things will fix my mental health issues,

but would help me feel a bit less isolated.

What I need for my mental health is quite simple.

Understanding that if I go quiet

for a few days, that I'm just giving myself

the time I haven't been giving myself lately.

Any support you can share is really appreciated, 

as it helps me to know that I’m not just talking to thin air,

and that people do care.

And as always peace, Love and Poetry three things that keep me going.

 

Also, you may have noticed I have basically stopped

showcasing my work on X/Twitter

I will now only use that site as a place to post about books.

And maybe the odd link to my linktree,

as I don't want to help fund or support a page

that gives such a strong platform

to racists, bigots and bullies,

X really showcases the worst sides of humanity,

and I don't want to be a part of that world.

Again, it damages the mental health,

as I can't help myself when I'm there I end up reading all this hateful stuff.

It can send my head spinning, the way people think.

Makes me ashamed to be human

at times.

 

Thank you for reading this post,

I know it is all a bit “woe is me”

But sometimes we need to air our thoughts

to make some sense of this weird reality.

I will make up for it with some poetry soon!

 

Peace, love and poetry

Kyle