Survival

 

I remember

that moment

of survival.

When I was able

to pull myself

back up

after such a long fall.

I remember that

first fiery pull of air

into shocked lungs,

I remember,

my eyes stung from the light,

and I remember thinking

was this what I want?

 

I’d spent so long escaping

that staying

seemed like failing,

that being

was second prize

in a contest

I’d forgotten I‘d entered.

That every feeling

was still too painful

to endure.

Living when you feel you

are not worth

the battle anymore.

 

I was scared.

 

Scared and scarred,

I’d played

all of my cards

and found them

all to be jokers.

I didn’t think

the world cared, and

panicking I looked in the mirror

at the face that appeared,

and I feared that neither did I.

That life had already seeped away

from me many moons away.

 

But then time kept

turning its hands,

and I noticed the way

the sunlight lands,

the way birds sing

with passion from their lungs,

I saw the moon and the way she shone

a light upon my worst fears,

and showed that they were

but a trick of the light.

That if I breathe and smile, I’ll be alright.

I found passions,

I found hopes, I had dreams.

So many dreams.

 

And I remember

sitting in that hospital ward.

New life shimmering in my eyes,

surprised that I was smiling

like a newborn sun beam

over a verdant countryside