Dead from the brain up

Emotional flat line, just a dull nagging sound

dead from the brain up, my bed the burial ground

in this, my realm, I'm the king, yet I don't feel a thing

mentally drained, on a downwards flow, spiralling

Fog surrounds, a gas cloud, feels like drowning

sputtering, my voice lost in the crowd, pressure mounting

mind grinding, a grating ache fills the dead space

grey matter no longer working at pace, shredded, going to waste

Emptiness, nothing less, just a drag to lift my head

no anger, hurt, or joy, just a void, a weight like lead

vacant stares, blankness all I can muster, look to the sky

a blanket of sadness, no feeling left under, no tears to cry

Stuck on auto pilot, the flight goes on

but I will stick the landing when the time comes

a little fragile, but brittle is better than broken

feelings will return, coursing like a river to an ocean

Thanks for reading.

Peace & Love

Kyle

Hated

Needed to be hated, to feel berated

blamed myself for all life fated, left deflated

for my imagined bad deeds, I fed the belief

I kicked out, pushed away, to punish me, a release

All those times I cursed as if under a spell

needed to be alone in my own private hell

like a demon possessed my tongue, I let it cut you

I spat out the poison that tore right through

Craved punishment, for all the things said in vain

all the times I swore I'd never get burned again

Smashed my world to pieces, broken, I scattered into the breeze

needed to be free, floating for years, to find my peace

Like a smile in a bad dream, started to regain my gleam

a hug in the darkest hours, the hurt just an inwards scream

the hands that held on when the sun went away

those who loved during those dark days

A flash as the past crashes, now the future looks bright

an ocean of love, all I have left, swim deep like in flight

under a waterfall of emotions, years of hurt washed clear

flowing free, peace fills the atmosphere

Thanks for reading.

Peace & Love

Kyle.

Unwanted guest

Stress test, a tight chest

breathing too fast, this unwanted guest

frustration rises, losing control

falling down this bottomless hole

Words painted behind closed eyes

thoughts pour, a constant roar, mind paralysed

hands shake, body quakes, deep down I ache

muscles tense, nothing makes sense, how much can I take?

Lost focus, brain races, heart paces

missing motivation, I cant face this

Forgotten days, lost track of nights

worry, the only feeling that fits right

Teeth grind, dry mouth, I'm crying out

tears spill, this pain inside, screams and shouts

Will it end, this stormy day? the oncoming train

the flood in my brain, the pouring rain

Anxiety, a drain on my mental stability

when everything feels beyond my ability

loneliness hurts, yet talking is too much

fear holds my hand, with its delicate touch

Thanks for reading.

Peace & Love

Kyle.

Ghosts

Visions in darkness, snapshots of a scream

spectres in my nightmares, haunting all my dreams

spirits forever wailing, an eerie deathly sound

an icy chill clings, like a mist all around

Ghosts in the night or just tricks of the light

bones weak and weary, they creak, as fear forces flight

the shadow in the corner, watching menacingly

waiting for me to close my eyes, What does it want with me?

The apparition appears, when the sun goes away

inside I scream silently, my voice too scared to stay

this phantom pervades my peace, shatters my self belief

crashes and clatters, like a poltergeist, gives me no relief

This visitor before me, invading all my thoughts

creeps into old memories, ties my brain in knots

until the sun comes up, cuts through the gloom

bathes the room in light, no more thoughts of doom

Thanks for reading.

Peace & Love.

Kyle.

Day at a time

You survive, strive to build yourself a life

a day at a time, baby steps along a fine line

Wake up everyday, even when the clouds are grey

ready to pour, cant keep the thoughts at bay

Wash the grime clear, still the darkness holds you dear

all those cold rainy days when thunderclouds loom near

you keep fighting on, when all around feels wrong

the miles walked, stumbled and crawled, help to be strong

The world crushes, a ten tonne weight on your shoulders

every single day just an ache as you get older

always a struggle to relate, when your smile is fake

and the nagging inside, you just can't shake

You get up when your feeling down

smile when all you want is to frown

put on a brave face

even when you are losing the race

When the demons are beating at the door

you keep going, knowing there will be more

but you never give in, cant let the darkness win

each day find a new thing, makes life worth living

Thanks for reading.

Peace & Love.

Kyle.

No exit

Cant leave, even though my head screams

stuck in this everlasting nightmare, it seems

like groundhog day, a constant replay

a feeling I cant gouge away

Stuck in this maze, endless corridors of pain

no way out, memories trickle in, like rain

searching for an exit, the door no longer open

just a long path, running in slow motion

Like a runaway train, on a circular track

cant get off, cant stop the flashbacks

the same view, on a continual cycle

falling into a downward spiral

A change of view, something new

a break from the ceaseless review

wake from the dreams, escape from the maze

stop the moving engine, enjoy the days

Remove yourself from the conflict

no need to feel you have slipped

find the positive spin, keep negativity apart

let the new day begin, with a fresh start

Thanks for reading.

Peace & Love.

Kyle.

Paranoid

Paranoia plays, I hear you creep
a step behind, in shadows, out of reach
can hear your thoughts in mine
just out of sight, out of line

Your breath on my neck
a cool chill and I'm a wreck
so close, the hairs shake
want to run, instead I just quake

Like a thunderstorm drawing near
can feel you here
drawing the strength from my soul
just leaving me cold

Can sense you getting close, its in the air
the fear spreads, I'm trapped in your lair
see you through the corner of my eye
a shadowy trick of the light, I cry

I know your after me, you can taste my blood
but I'll never run, I'll stand up for good
ill be proud, of all I can be
and with a smile I'll live my life free

Thanks for reading.

Peace & Love.

Kyle.

Twist the knife

Twist that knife, push it in as deep as you can
beat me down, if that is your plan
the pain wont compare to my own thoughts
my brain on overdrive it hurts, tied in knots

You dig my grave, before my story is told
dance on its surface, before I'm even cold
But you cant hurt me more than my own brain
when it is on fire with bad thoughts again

You don't pull the punches, you kick so hard
every bruise a calling card
nothing approaches the agony the mind broaches
when it thinks of all those harsh reproaches

So bring your worst, your words can sting
throughout ill just sing
you can try your hardest to put me down
but ill stand proud, I wont drown

Thanks For Reading.

Peace & Love.

Kyle.

Claustrophobic heart

Claustrophobia claws away, crawling over the skin

in this city, everyone knows where you are, where you've been

want to jump on a bus, a train, a plane

somewhere nobody knows my name

Always is drama, when your in with a clique

where are all the people unique

where you can just sing at the top of your lungs

and no one blinks or runs

Freedom to be who you are, not the image portrayed

the one deep within, trying to break free, unrestrained

can never really be, who you feel, whats the deal

when you cant find the person that's left, the one that's real

Stop yourself from saying thoughts aloud

could get you banished from the crowd

so you bite your tongue

even if you know it is wrong

Left longing for a life that cant be

when the claustrophobic clouds blow over me

but then I remember the goodness

the things that keep me honest

The beautiful people that share our time

the stunning sunsets as we dine

the conversations that stick

the nights out with friends who click

Thanks for reading.

Peace & Love.

Kyle.

Statue

Blind terror, like a rabbit in the headlights
the feeling when the brain takes flight
the body left like a statue, confused, a stone relic
so alone, feels pathetic

The silence, is it uncomfortable?
or is it like a hug, embraces the mind, such a jumble
standing here like I'm caught in a trap, as time flies past
lost in the bright flash like a bomb blast

Dream state washes over like a freak wave, a frozen gaze
glazed expression on my face, like I'm lost in a maze
cant move to run, want to stay
find my feet a little more each day

Thanks for reading.
Peace & Love.
Kyle.

Walls

If these walls could speak

the stories they would tell

this lonesome man

in an unlocked cell

The ground scuffed, his shuffling feet

if he could just get out into the street

feel the weather touch his face

would walk forever more, never slowing the pace

Years crept past in the blink of an eye

the days passed by, replaced by nights

electric lights, stale air

blurred into a rhythm of sleep and despair

Waded through fog, an alcoholic dream

heart left upon a shelf to rot, lost all self esteem

drank to drown out the sounds, the screams, the voices

they sang out an hateful chorus

Though the years did hurt, the tears they burned

I found my way through the door, my heart returned

the pain of those days wont go away, it will keep having a say

I am stronger though and have made headway

So if the voices should shout, or the nightmares attack

I know with help I have a way to fight back

with every step forwards I have an answer to spit

this life is mine, I'm going to live it

Thanks for reading.

Peace & Love.

Kyle.

Worst fears

What are your worst fears?

is it the ghosts of the past you dread

or the thoughts floating in your head

is it the cold loneliness that consumes

or the sounds of the grey, dark room

What are your worst fears?

is it tomorrow or the years long dead

or always today and its never ending thread

is it the thought of not belonging

or that you fit too well, that causes longing

What are your worst fears?

is it the world outside, so scary a place

or is it inside that you really cant face

is it the people who bring the greatest fear

or the lack of people who hold you dear

What are your worst fears?

is it the constant flowing of time ebbing forwards

or the dam in the river, making you look backwards

is it always being in last place that drags you down

or is it the hope for more that makes you feel drowned

What are your worst fears?

is it the pains you endured

or the chance of more

is it the cuts that bled

or the ones that stayed inside the head

Thanks for reading.

Peace & Love.

Kyle.

Spiraling

Spiraling, as the hurt drags down
can someone plug the hole before I drown
where days get darker and duller grey
feel my hope slip away

Sinking, almost touching the bottom
under a water filled tomb
sadness, silence a deepening gloom
can someone pull me out, help me bloom

Drowning, feel the darkness fill me
into my lungs it burns free
strong arms press down, cant flee
can someone come to my rescue I plea

Fading, the light shivers a distant glow
a glimmer on the surface, try not to let go
still a chance of a hand in the dark
to give my light a new spark

Thanks for reading.
Peace and love
Kyle.

Shadow

Shadow walks beside, a hunch, a shuffle

a mournful distressed gait, this being is troubled

the face betrays, shows a smile

deep and wide as the river Nile

Which side is the real me

Shadow always stumbles behind, walks a step from the crowd

always taking second place, never standing proud

yet the body in front, gives a look of joy

always a leader never behind the convoy

which side is the real me

Shadow lives in darkness, a colourless void

grey bleak, a constant rainfall, best to avoid

yet the man stands bright

a sharp colour filled sight

which is the real me

Shadow and body, one and the same, where two sides meet

miles walked in the same shoes, connected by the soles of our feet

happy yet sad, depressed with a laugh and a grin

two stories shared, two lives in the same skin

Both are the real me

Thanks for reading.

Peace and love.

Kyle.

Flooding

Adrift in a sea of faces, mind flooding
head hurts from all the thoughts crashing around, thudding

a deafening sound, pushes you out from the crowd

all you can do is await the storm clouds

My thoughts float away as I'm left drowning
cant seem to get a grip of my surroundings
loose track of my feet, my face reddens, body weak
too much to bear, want to run, escape, maybe too big a leap

The sea of faces smiling or are they frowning
all I know is I'm floundering, still here drowning
the floodgates open unleashed a wave, I'm sinking
need a safe place to fix my thinking 

Sea of faces all looking at me, through me?
all I can do is flee
run away to find my peace
but is that just bowing to this unwanted beast?

Thanks for reading.
Peace and love.
Kyle.
ps please check out my book!

Closed eyes, shuttered minds

Through closed eyes you try to view
with a shuttered mind the sight isn't true
the image perceived, of me, isn't the one within
the one who needs to be loved despite the broken skin

Through your distorted lens you cant see the lines
cant interpret the truth underlined, its vision undefined
what you see isn't the real me
just a battered shell, trying to break free

Through these windows, dirty grimy you will never see
underneath the surface, the true reality
through all the fake smiles, the small talk and liars
a world of people like me, outsiders

Through a hate clouded mind you see what you fear
a world that will never adhere
to a single minded point of view
for anyone Else's truths, only love will do

Thanks for reading, Peace and Love
Kyle

Panic Attacks Spoken word video

Another Spoken word video! this is for panic attacks, best listened to wearing headphones, or maybe with volume off you decide!!!


Thanks for watching, Peace and love
Kyle.

Panic attacks

My, my, my voice cracks, stutter as I try to speak
throat full a lump that wont go, swallow for air
is someone laying a wreathe? I've forgotten how to breathe
panic sweeps me off my feet, drops me out of reach somewhere

Room begins to spin, whirling it keeps turning
head feeling thin, like I'm just watching, outside looking in
light curses my senses, elevates the stresses
my body tightens and tenses, left to feel defenceless

Heart hits too many beats, or too few, cant remember
mind too flooded with thoughts of terror
chest pounds, a drill going through my ribs straight to the heart
this must be the end, or at least how it starts

Sweat drips as the temperature rises
feel compromised, like a criminal caught out on a lie
feel like the world is ending
is this how I die?

Panic as my knees go weak, feel the floor creak
tries to knock me down, force me to ground
it moves under me, like the crust is shifting to avoid my feet
to be trampled under the stumbling crowd

Can not sleep, see a kaleidoscope of judging eyes
every time I try to push them aside, new feelings are unleashed
like dogs out to hunt, I'm the prey they want, they feed, I'm the prize
tension builds to a peak, sleep, the only release, so far away from me

This wave of attack, an army on the march to hell and back
it hits you hard when you are feeling so low
but without knowing you break through it, just another panic attack
you start a new, a fresh day with challenges, joys and new chance to glow

Thanks for reading, peace and love.
Kyle

Prisoner of the mind

Locked up behind

a door I cant find

a prisoner of the mind

confined in a world so unkind

These walls, a cage, a cell

the space I dwell

a window through which no light enters

just me here in this world, wonder if anyone remembers?

To leave, escape free, break out from the cold

why? what wonders does the outside hold?

So I sit, accept this, let it get deep

let it take control, a life lived asleep

Four walls through which I hear screams

or are they from within? tears start to stream

sense hate in every sound I hear

yet its just me here

solitude, alone, so quiet except the voices that confront you

the doubts that creep through

the shadows flicker past

this room needs to be escaped at last

these walls, once loomed so large, now feel two feet tall

thin as paper, no way to hold me at all

the window was never blocked out, just dirt and grime

so take a walk out into the world, one step at a time

the voices dull in time, they become prisoners of the mind

locked away, behind thoughts new fresh clean and true

the doubts creep away, no longer getting their say

as you take another step every single day

Thanks for reading, peace and love.

Kyle.

setback

Cant find a way to express
this crushing feeling in my chest
heart filled with anger and sadness
a cold harsh blanket of anguish

The brief time we get, never enough to share
the thoughts deep inside, the long term fears
heart skips ahead, beating a rhythm of dread
as we mourn each passing day, wishing for a life well led

Sat here in this bed, head disturbed by thoughts heard
never want to leave, this place so warm and inviting, its preferred
my words flow as freely as my tears
my hands shake with fear, at the world outside of here

Things feel so jumbled, anxiety rises, I crumple
clam up and crumble
built a wall, a shell of sorts, a hell of course
into it I fell, completely off course

Suffered a set back, sat back watched as my world began to crack
but I wont let it hold me back, I will find a new attack
a pathway forward, a door towards, a future life
a human right

Thanks for reading,
Kyle.