Let go of a feeling

Do I just let go of a feeling?

Inbetween fleeting moments of wonder

I fear so much, this awful being

She cuts me apart with just a word

Disconnects my life support

When she says I'm never going to be enough?

I should walk away

Take the highway

But it's so much easier to stay

And I love her in my own strange little way

How can you turn off a thought?

It's not like a light switch that you can flick

a button to click

Or a gear you can turn to reverse

It's a part of your life, even if it makes it feel worse

I know I should pull the plug

But it's like a drug

One drag and your hooked

And I injected the whole lot into my blood

How can you close that door in your head?

wedged open to watch the tears fall like weights of lead

That she sits behind

You can’t evict a person from the space in your mind

You can’t just close your eyes, soaked and tear lined

She lurks inside

I know I should cut my losses

But I know what the cost is

when the shakes get too much

she is always first in touch

Do you try to seek escape, leap into a river deep?

Or a disturbed distorted sleep

Let the knives cut you, those piercing eyes

The vicious lies, the insistent put down lines

Do you fall for drugs or drink, to push you to the brink?

Oblivion is such a sweet retreat

I know I should open my eyes

But tears cried are like threads sewing them tight

Blinded by the briefest hint of light

So, used to the dark of another lonely night

Comatose hope

lost in shrub land

I took too high a dose

Can feel the thoughts clawing

Skin crawling

My brain itches

Just a heart contained within a shell of nervous twitches

I know I should clear my mind

But I lost the pathway. It's too dark to find

And the trees are rooting in my head

need to find a clearing in this forest of dread

Thanks For Reading.

Peace & Love.

Kyle.

 

Love Song

I never planned to write a love song

until the day you came along

now it’s all I can seem to pen

words with heart wide open

So now

I want to write you a love song

with music that only you can hear

words that make you sing loud and strong

I want to hold on to you here

I want you to feel the sun shines just for you

to tell you in verse that my words are true

I want to sing you a love song

want the words to convey the way

my beating heart stutters when you are away

Is it so wrong? I want you in my life however long

words that touch you like you reach me

I want to make them sweep into ears like waves upon sea

I want the band to play

a melody that makes you sway

as I tell you in my own way

that I want you here each and every day

I want a chorus that makes you fly as high as you deserve

I want you to explore the universe

exploding star shine supernova bursts

I want guitars and drums, an orchestra, a choir

every instrument that sets your heart on fire

want to stir emotion with just a note or two

my words to speak only to you

I want to tease the strings

play chords that ring

want to let my voice out

a song of love I'll sing

I want the song to play forever and a day

into eternity, a rhythm that makes you dance

with sweeping drums lifting you, entranced

glistening tones, swim around

listen to the sounds

let the words float inside

Stroke your mind

Let the soothing sounds twist through imagination

I want the song to play on every station

in all nations

let the tones inbound collide with ideas

create universes

submerged deep within the verses

let the words twist gears

swapping fear for trust and cheer

shifting your feet

sweeping you on rivers of love

as you skip to the beat

Thanks For Reading.

Peace et Love

Kyle.

 

Blackout

Blackout the emotion

turn off the sounds

the commotion

I'd drink to oblivion - a toast

raise a glass to that ghost

but I always made such a terrible host

Wake up in a state

aching from every pour(pore)

I'd turn in my own grave

so many close shaves

if I knew what the night had seen

if only drowned eyes had opened and shown

where I had been

Bruised mind completes me

I compete with memories

liquid trickles into floods

I down my weight in poison

then start again - floodgates open

feels like my blood is boiling

I stagger, thinking I swagger

but in truth I look older more fragile

skin sags, eyes bloodshot red

black bags, the pain, in my head

the blood in my bed

walking on autopilot, emotionally dead

I fall so hard

stumble off the floor, moving feels like such a challenge

pour myself a glass or two to find my balance

like I'm on a tightrope, blinded by lights

terrified of the heights

it's not the fall that hurts it's getting up again

replaying each misguided thing, every little sin

Head feels like it's under constant barrage

cannons blaring, bad thoughts need airing

a victim of self-sabotage

I shout, I stomp I cut out all I hold dear.

Why? Fear...

attack the ones that care, rain my anger in stormy tears

berate those that hold my hand and take the pain I hold here

I reminisce. Through an age weathered frown

staving off a breakdown

starved of affection

I tell the lie I am so well versed in

I am fine, my affliction soaked into aging skin

when in truth I'm staring

down a pit that goes so deep and is widening

my melancholic heart wears a sad smile

but it still beats once in a while

Thanks For Reading.

Peace & Love.

Kyle.