Caught in a whisper

 

You loved my

silence,

my puppy-like obedience.

The way I'd take

the hits, tail between my legs

and not raise a whimper.

I'd just wag and accept the dregs.

The way I'd let my voice simmer

like a shimmering mirror,

caught forever in a whisper.

Not letting my hurt bubble up

and froth over like a raging river.

 

You loved that I'd take

the autumn punches

and never take a fall

and then take you for lunch,

to placate it all.

 

You loved to hold me down

when I was destined to fly.

You loved to drive me around,

to make me lose my mind.

You'd lead me down

darkened winter roads,

to see if I'd find my way home.

 

I stayed quiet.

 

I settled for this, better than loneliness

I said through whispered tears,

I hid behind fear and

I never let my heart tear...

 

Not once.

 

Because I knew I'd need it again.

 

I knew.

 

Because I would give so much

and you took and took 

and took.

 

I gave so much.

 

Every splash of blood,

every drop of love,

every word I printed in my books.

and you kept on piercing me

with those hateful looks,

the stabbing words

you stuck in my guts.

Then cut me off

from the life I once knew.

Caught in a circling limbo

surrounded only by you.

 

I worshipped at your feet

as I crawled on hands and knees

over the eggshell shards laid out for me.

And you laid a welcome mat

for me to kneel and plead,

and our mattress a bed of nails

where dreams bleed into the spring.

 

Until I stopped looking back,

letting summer sunshine fill my sky

and I ran wild and free, happy

as I glanced back once again

and saw the shadows

of your soulless eyes becoming history.