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It's difficult to explain
how a day can feel so strange,
when almost every single day is the same.
You become attuned to its madness,
so used to the chaos
that if it stopped for a second
it would all feel wrong.
Mentally I'm not so much up or down.
More like I'm a washing machine
on spin cycle. Jostling around.
My mood rattles like coins left in a pocket.
Bouncing between all possible emotions,
You hear them jangle as the drum is turning.
That is the sound of my thoughts slowly churning.
Out of body depersonalisation
happens regularly,
one second I'm are in control,
then lose focus for a second,
and start to drift away from my body,
like watching a video game character walking
through their day, then I’m re-handed
the controls to continue again.
Or like a bubble that is floating,
high into the atmosphere,
not a care. Just soaking in the
sun rays, as free as air.
Then a pop.
Racing sounds rush in,
bracing wind chilling,
as the ground comes crashing up
to make its messy acquaintance.
I can't stop.
This can happen at any time.
Just a tick then tock
and it all comes crashing again,
then the clouds descend.
My mind stops being able to fully comprehend.
like I’m lost in a foggy maze
and monstrous thoughts rush through,
starting to give chase.
People constantly ask if I'm okay,
when I’m feeling fine,
I must look like I'm going out of my mind.
Yet when I'm down struggling to breathe,
No one sees. No one knows.
It's a complex set of intricacies,
trying to perceive
where my mind is at
from what my face shows.
Thanks for reading
Endless Nightmares out now
300 pages of horror themed poetic storytelling
Please take a look at my previous collection "Torn Pages"
100+ all new poems not shared here before.
https://tinyurl.com/KCtornpages
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