Condensation of screams

 

I keep looking

in windows and

they keep looking

back into me,

like staring

into the void,

and seeing my face

glaring back at me.

 

The reflection,

the one that

mimics me,

almost perfectly,

I say almost,

for every

now and then

I catch them

just a second

out of sync.

 

I stagger, and trip

trying to catch them

in the act, but they

are so good

at the deception

that they also lay flat.

 

The bathroom mirror,

the spoon in the drawer,

the shimmer in the tv,

the face on my phone.

They all show someone

that looks like me.

Just a little... More.

 

They are not me,

I am sure,

or I would be

 

if I didn’t think

I was losing my mind,

 

or that my mind

wasn’t already lost

in worrying fields

of what lays in store.

 

I’ve seen them.

The way they jitter

just a little,

like insects

controlling

a body, the way

the limbs

are spindlier,

the way the back

arches

crookedly,

like insects,

parasites ticking

over until what,

they take my soul?

 

Good luck with that!

 

I see them staring at me,

then I realise

they were staring first,

and now I’m reflecting them,

is this a curse?

I’ve lost the will to find out,

I’m lost in this universe.

I’ve lost my

words.

For their tongue is moving

and I’m speaking in return.

 

I look and I see I speak and I see.

 

They speak and I speak

and I’m not sure if it is me or they

that is in control.

Now I’m flailing on the ground,

and they are looking down

upon me,

 

I’m trapped behind glass,

and the world

is smeared

by the

condensation

of my screams.

 

As my fists crash against

the empty mirror

staring back.

Frankensteins fetid heart

 

We were so young,

inspires images

of flowers on a bright day,

but gravesides by dead light,

is a better fit, they would

later say.

 

You said you'd

hand your heart,

if I'd change.

 

So, I did.

 

I removed every

emotion that day.

I tore them into cobwebs

and threw them into the wind,

also discarding the glimpses

of sunlight

that weaved

through me.

 

I shaved my head,

those long locks

now left matted

on barbershop tiles.

All that mattered, I thought,

was to be in your whirlpool

as it swirled me up.

 

But this was not enough.

 

Your own distrust,

and those evil looks.

The words that cut. I severed

connections to all that I loved.

But still I was never

a dish you'd serve up.

I was left in the kitchen

with the flies feasting on me.

 

So, then I started to cut.

 

I removed my nose, replaced it

with one that you chose, I chiselled

at my cheekbones,

until they were sunken

and I was left bruised

and bleeding, I removed my skin,

and sewed it into something better fitting,

something you'd be willing

to be seen sitting with in a daydream.

 

But it wasn’t enough.

 

So, I removed

every day

that I'd laughed,

 

replaced them with

memories

implanted

in my head.

 

Then you said,

that I wasn’t the person

you fell in love with.

I was left just

 

a fetid heart

gurgling under

the spotlight.

A symphony for the singularity

 

At the dark end

of the street of time

the universe busks

carnival songs

to the swirling

clouds of darkness

that descend.

 

As the ringmaster

spins the last

of the plates

of day.

Letting

it wobble.

 

Before

 

Falling.

 

And crashing.

 

Breaking into fragments

and blowing away.

 

And when you

close your eyes

do you sometimes hear

the clashing of cymbals?

As symbols draw themselves

in archaic script on the

canvas of your mind.

 

If so,

then maybe

it has seen into you.

Hollowed.

Clawing at the

unspooling walls

in the interstitial void,

between yesterday

and the day forward.

 

And as it all fades to black,

A haunting melody,

a harpsichord

churning your

every

memory.

 

The being at the

end of time.

His swirling eyes,

looking deeply

into the cosmic stew,

his view,

a thousand planets

colliding.

 

The cataclysmic collapse

of all the atoms of this cosmos

into one singularity.

 

And you

 

just a dust speck

in the eyes of madness.

 

As silence falls.