Stubble

 

Sweaty, grubby hands

clawing at my last

remaining shred

of innocence.

Fuzzy head. Blurry eyes 

not seeing ahead,

alcoholic breath lingering.

Stubble chin leering closer in.

You talked of God,

yet made me think of death.

Did I ask to be here?

Is this what I wanted?

The thoughts stir within me

a sea of self-doubt, self-blame.

I must have made this happen

thought my alcohol fuelled brain.

 

Shades drop. shimmering/

A flashback to the night before,

seen in hazy imagery.

Small sips became torpedoed drinks.

Ships sinking. Relationship advice,

to lead me in.

Making me feel comfortable,

making me feel like one of the boys.

More drinks, downed in a single swig.

straws hanging to feed oxygen

to drowning lungs.

Capsizing the thoughts that remained.

More drinks. None that I bought.

An onslaught on my fragile brain,

more and more poured.

More and more the floor was wobbling

and my mind was throbbing

starting to soar.

 

I remember.

Prickly stubble lined lips.

I was here under false pretences.

I was here as a guest,

but your plans were of conquest.

My head, stressed,

from past abuses.

Being led down a path,

misled and messed up

somewhere long behind.

Where I was left with no self-respect.

 

You saw that

and used it to play 

with my mind.

Abused the trust

I gave to you

made me question myself

and what I thought I knew.

Made my doubt all of the pathways

that had suddenly become askew.

 

I ask you.

Was it worth it?

Did making me feel small

make you feel like king of the world?

I never asked for it. I never consented.

You took advantage. Never once repented.

You talked of God.

You were a man of the cloth

but you walked with the devil

when you made that choice.

You knew I was vulnerable,

knew I was at the bottom of a downfall.

My head was scrawled

with messages of self-hate.

Letters written to myself

of neglect and self-pain.

So did you think? 

At all?

Or was you brain kept

in that place so small?

 

 

 

Thanks for reading

Please take a few moments 

to check out my new book "Poetic Outlaw"

available from Amazon

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0CVQ5F9K8/

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Peace, Love & Poetry 

 

Kyle