Nervously
gnawing.
10 bites.
20.
30.
I've lost count.
The thoughts clawing,
pawing at my
mental emotions.
I try to picture oceans,
but only see the dead sea
mocking me.
Swallowing
is the hardest part.
Fear sits deep in the heart.
So, I carry on, chewing
grinding every atom apart,
Mouth coated, but still can't swallow.
Anxiety making every sound hollow
as it echoes through my mind
Sure that everyone
can hear the noise inside
as I try to soundlessly chew.
Every slurp of my bottle,
used to wash away the bits of residue,
that am convinced
are coating teeth,
every mouthful
to make swallowing
happen a bit more
like it's supposed to.
But then the thought
has been released
like some ancient hungry beast.
and my throat closes
in retreat.
Fear encroaches,
like a vampire sucking
the life out of me.
Every breath
I can't take
because breathing
is something that I've
seemingly
forgotten how to do,
Out, out, out,
what comes next?
Nope it's lost me. its all too complex.
It controls me now.
Fear holds every part
of my life,
like a youth holding out a knife,
all it has to do
is stop the pieces
from working right
Every pair
of eyes looking.
Every glance,
followed by a smirk,
a laugh,
a look that lasts
too long.
Internally I hurt.
Internally I long for a mind
that doesn't feel so completely wrong.
Externally I just gaze
into the middle distance.
Knowing that no-one is paying any attention.
and all of this is my mind creating tension,
but it doesn't lesson the fear
when it has its grip around your throat
and is smiling ear to ear.
Thanks for reading
Please take a few moments
to check out my new book "Poetic Outlaw"
available from Amazon
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0CVQ5F9K8/
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