Not okay

 

I'm really not okay.

I say to the

faded reflected words.

that blue light in this darkened space.

These words I say, they lie to my face.

I've spent so much time

feeling the weight of waiting.

Time spent tired in waiting rooms

to places I don’t want to be.

I'm really not okay.

 

Spend so much time in solitary

with just those words

etched into my walls for company.

I'm fine. I'll replay,

knowing full well that this is a lie.

It's easier than trying to express the depths

to which your soul has been pulled

over so many years. So many tears.

I'll just smile instead, my senses dulled,

in those brief moments when I come up for air.

Thankful that anyone actually cares,

before I'm pulled deeper down again.

 

Spend so much time saying goodbye,

not got the energy to say hello

to another future memory that will seep

into the pages, faded and yellow.

Spend more time laying down

because my body feels like it is worn out.

My tires bones scream

when I ask them to move me about.

I'm really not okay I could shout.

 

But I also have good days.

Days when everything is bright.

When my mood is on high,

my body feels light. When my smile isn't a lie,

and these are the days that fuel my fires.

The ones that inspire me to put pen to paper,

and share my story, my memories

my emotions, my fantasies, 

my imagination,

all tied together 

in a bow of love.

I'm really not okay,

but I'm taking each day

and learning to be.

 

 

 

Thanks for reading

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every like helps me to keep doing what I love.

 

Peace, Love & Poetry 

 

Kyle